It’s a year now since I was ever been questioned
or demanded for an explanation. Life of freedom or loneliness… I am not
sure if what I had left behind a year ago was what I always wanted or the year
that I lived? Am I happy? Or lost? No answer for such questions and my mind has
learnt to discount such questions out of fear that it has no capability to
answer those. Now each time these questions pass through my mind many things flash
trying to prove their strong existence and influence on me.
Now, my mind is misleading me. Shall I disown its
narcissistic approach or let me follow the affluenza. Why am I thinking so much
about someone who does not even accept my existence in her life or may be its
just that she does not want me to know her feelings for me anymore…
What if she hates me or hates me too much? Then I
guess I will still have a chance to get her back. But what if as I feel she is
apathetic? This mere thought scares the hell out of me! DO I REALLY WANT HER
BACK??? I hate to answer this question. It hurts my ego. Love perishes the very
moment ego survives. Love fails to fight with ego and ends up killing itself,
we call it break up. Is ego the reason for this?
After many such occasions, I buried all these arguments
and debates and decided to think nothing of it, that is the very moment when I would
actually start thinking and arguing debating about it once again. I trying to
be Mr. Arnab Goswami of the debate finally never looked for solutions or
conclusions I was just enjoying as if I cannot live without these arguments.
Now I realize I DON’T MISS HER ANYMORE… I am happy arguing and satisfying my
ego. Silly me!!! I am alive only because of these conflicts, waiting for someone
to change the channel… Till then it’s time for NOSTALGIA.
